I got this from Birthverse.com. I don't know what it's supposed to mean, but the verse somehow explains one of my beliefs.
Matthew 7:26 NIV
But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.
what's your birth verse?
^_^
30 April 2007
19 April 2007
3 am
It was 3 am. I woke up. I couldn't go back to sleep.
I just lay there on my bed, under my blanket, tucking my head. For 1 hour, I tried to sleep, to no avail. I listened to some music from my mp3 player. Still I couldn't.
So I decided on something weird. Change my friendster profile. Change it into something "different." Haha.
It was fun. Though, I must say I am kind of like what I put there, but, duh. I can be attention-deficient (local: KSP) so I'd do stupid things. But it's funny to think of myself as the one in my profile in friendster. I guess I'll have a good laugh if someone falls for it. hehehe...
^_^
I just lay there on my bed, under my blanket, tucking my head. For 1 hour, I tried to sleep, to no avail. I listened to some music from my mp3 player. Still I couldn't.
So I decided on something weird. Change my friendster profile. Change it into something "different." Haha.
It was fun. Though, I must say I am kind of like what I put there, but, duh. I can be attention-deficient (local: KSP) so I'd do stupid things. But it's funny to think of myself as the one in my profile in friendster. I guess I'll have a good laugh if someone falls for it. hehehe...
^_^
18 April 2007
Word for the Day: Hot
It's like thios word has been mentioned many times throughout the day. Well, I guess that's what you get for hanging out with two girls who watch series in tv, which would usually have that sex (read: gender) factor.
Well, I'm hot.
hot
[hot] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, hot·ter, hot·test, adverb, verb, hot·ted, hot·ting, noun
—Related forms
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)Well, I'm hot.
hot
[hot] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, hot·ter, hot·test, adverb, verb, hot·ted, hot·ting, noun –adjective
–adverb
–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
–noun
—Idioms
| 1. | having or giving off heat; having a high temperature: a hot fire; hot coffee. |
| 2. | having or causing a sensation of great bodily heat; attended with or producing such a sensation: He was hot with fever. |
| 3. | creating a burning sensation, as on the skin or in the throat: This ointment is hot, so apply it sparingly. |
| 4. | sharply peppery or pungent: Is this mustard hot? |
| 5. | having or showing intense or violent feeling; ardent; fervent; vehement; excited: a hot temper. |
| 6. | Informal. having a strong enthusiasm; eager: a hot baseball fan. |
| 7. | Slang.
|
| 8. | violent, furious, or intense: the hottest battle of the war. |
| 9. | strong or fresh, as a scent or trail. |
| 10. | absolutely new; fresh: a dozen new mystery stories hot from the press. |
| 11. | requiring immediate delivery or correspondence; demanding priority: The hot freight must be delivered by 10:00 a.m. tomorrow, or we'll lose the contract. |
| 12. | Slang. skillful in a reckless or daring way: a hot pilot. |
| 13. | following very closely; close: to be hot on the trail of a thief. |
| 14. | (of colors) extremely intense: hot pink. |
| 15. | Informal. popular and commercially successful; in demand; marketable: The Beatles were a hot group in the 1960s. |
| 16. | Slang. extremely lucky, good, or favorable: A poker player has to have a hot hand to win the pot. |
| 17. | Slang. (in sports and games) playing well or winningly; scoring effectively: a hot pitcher. |
| 18. | Slang. funny; absurd: That's a hot one! |
| 19. | Games. close to the object or answer that is being sought. |
| 20. | Informal. extremely exciting or interesting; sensational or scandalous: a hot news story. |
| 21. | Jazz.
|
| 22. | Informal. (of a vehicle) capable of attaining extremely high speeds: a hot new jet plane. |
| 23. | Slang.
|
| 24. | Informal. in the mood to perform exceedingly well, or rapidly, as during a burst of creative work: Finish writing that story while you're still hot. |
| 25. | actively conducting an electric current or containing a high voltage: a hot wire. |
| 26. | of, pertaining to, or noting radioactivity. |
| 27. | Metalworking. noting any process involving plastic deformation of a metal at a temperature high enough to permit recrystallization due to the strain: hot working. |
| 28. | in a hot manner; hotly. |
| 29. | while hot: Garnish the potatoes with parsley and serve hot. |
| 30. | Metalworking. at a temperature high enough to permit recrystallization: The wire was drawn hot. |
| 31. | Chiefly British Informal. to heat; warm (usually fol. by up). |
| 32. | the hots, Slang. intense sexual desire or attraction. |
| 33. | get hot, Slang. (in sports and games) to become very effective or successful; score or win repeatedly or easily. |
| 34. | hot and bothered, Informal. excited, aroused, or flustered: This mistake isn't worth getting hot and bothered about. Also, all hot and bothered. |
| 35. | hot and heavy, Informal. in an intense, vehement, or passionate manner: They argued hot and heavy for 20 minutes. |
| 36. | hot under the collar. collar (def. 23). |
| 37. | make it hot for, Informal. to make something unpleasant for; cause trouble for: Ever since their argument the principal has been making it hot for the new teacher. |
[Origin: bef. 1000; 1920–25 for def. 23; ME ho(o)t, OE hāt; c. D heet, ON heitr, Sw het, Dan hed, G heiss]
] —Related forms
hotly, adverb
hotness, noun
—Synonyms 1. heated; fiery, burning, scorching; scalding, boiling; torrid, sultry. 4. biting, piquant, sharp, spicy. 5. fervid; fiery, passionate, intense, excitable, impetuous; angry, furious, irate, violent.
—Antonyms 1. cold.
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
Smallville
No, not the party place. How I wish...
It's so frustrating that my download was almost finished when I left home, so I just left the computer on to let it continue. But then, the inevitable happens...
Blackout.
Dang, now the episodes of "Smallville" will now have to wait for a 48-hour recovery period for our PC to turn on. For some reason, the monitor won't turn on immediately. You have to listen to a "sound" and when it has become louder, you have to press the power button with a certain combination of presses and proper timing so that it will turn on. Dang. We won't bother buying a new monitor because in just more than a month, I'll be leaving anyway, and my brother has his own PC. Dang, I wish I can buy an external HD...
Speaking of saving, austerity measures have already started. I had to live with pancit molo for lunch and some pepsi. I walked from outside the subdivision to our house. I'm not given allowance, so I have to spend my own money. But my own money is just enough for transportation for the next few days! So tomorrow, the extreme will happen. Bike to school, bring a liter of drinking water, and have pancit canton and egg for lunch.
Talk of saving. College is nearing, so I have to learn.
----------------
Well, while I can't watch Smallville yet, I guess I just have to be satisfied with these...
Erica Durance as Lois Lane. I find her more beautiful than the one on Superman Returns, but I don't have anything against Kate Bosworth. They're on different roads anyway.
Kristen Kreuk as Lana Lang. She portrays her role well. I like her better with Clark rather than with Lex, but I guess Clark is just a bit too pushy.
Michael Rosenbaum as Lex Luthor. So-so. He plays a good villain.
Justin Hartley as Oliver Queen (A.K.A. The Green Arrow). One of my favorite characters. Shooting arrows and stuff.
Tom Welling as Clark Kent. He's alright. It's just sometimes his character in the series is quite stupid. Especially with Lana. X-RAY VISION!!! hehe, joke. Super hearing na lang eh.
Images from cwtv.com and yahoo
^_^
It's so frustrating that my download was almost finished when I left home, so I just left the computer on to let it continue. But then, the inevitable happens...
Blackout.
Dang, now the episodes of "Smallville" will now have to wait for a 48-hour recovery period for our PC to turn on. For some reason, the monitor won't turn on immediately. You have to listen to a "sound" and when it has become louder, you have to press the power button with a certain combination of presses and proper timing so that it will turn on. Dang. We won't bother buying a new monitor because in just more than a month, I'll be leaving anyway, and my brother has his own PC. Dang, I wish I can buy an external HD...
Speaking of saving, austerity measures have already started. I had to live with pancit molo for lunch and some pepsi. I walked from outside the subdivision to our house. I'm not given allowance, so I have to spend my own money. But my own money is just enough for transportation for the next few days! So tomorrow, the extreme will happen. Bike to school, bring a liter of drinking water, and have pancit canton and egg for lunch.
Talk of saving. College is nearing, so I have to learn.
----------------
Well, while I can't watch Smallville yet, I guess I just have to be satisfied with these...
Erica Durance as Lois Lane. I find her more beautiful than the one on Superman Returns, but I don't have anything against Kate Bosworth. They're on different roads anyway.Kristen Kreuk as Lana Lang. She portrays her role well. I like her better with Clark rather than with Lex, but I guess Clark is just a bit too pushy.Michael Rosenbaum as Lex Luthor. So-so. He plays a good villain.Justin Hartley as Oliver Queen (A.K.A. The Green Arrow). One of my favorite characters. Shooting arrows and stuff.Tom Welling as Clark Kent. He's alright. It's just sometimes his character in the series is quite stupid. Especially with Lana. X-RAY VISION!!! hehe, joke. Super hearing na lang eh.Images from cwtv.com and yahoo
^_^
Forgiveness
I don't normally read chain messages. Like, I delete them immediately. But this one is an exception. Why? I guess you should read it...
-----------------------
One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.
His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.
Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at
the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed:
"Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, an d I
happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not fair Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn't have to
forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I
cannot do - teach me to...
"Forgive."
As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened
his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt. He could not turn to see what it was because where
the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood
with a large spike through them.
He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His
hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.
"Have you ever told a lie?" He asked.
The man answered, "yes, Lord."
"Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?"
The man answered, " yes. Lord." And the man sobbed more and more.
"Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours?" Jesus asked.
And the man answered, "yes, Lord."
"Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?"
The man, crying now, answered, "yes, Lord."
As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever...?" The man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer "yes, Lord."
Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder.
He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.
Jesus said, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you."
It may be hard to see how you're going to get through something, but when you look back in life, you
realize how true this statement is. Read the following first line slowly and let it sink in. If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.
Lord I love You and I need You, come into my heart, today.
For without You I can do nothing.
-------------------
Forgiveness definitely is not something easy to do. But, you know, the ability to forgive also shows that you are able to love. With noting in return.
Eat your guts and forgive.
^_^
-----------------------
One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.
His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.
Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at
the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed:
"Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, an d I
happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not fair Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn't have to
forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I
cannot do - teach me to...
"Forgive."
As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened
his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt. He could not turn to see what it was because where
the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood
with a large spike through them.
He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His
hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.
"Have you ever told a lie?" He asked.
The man answered, "yes, Lord."
"Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?"
The man answered, " yes. Lord." And the man sobbed more and more.
"Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours?" Jesus asked.
And the man answered, "yes, Lord."
"Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?"
The man, crying now, answered, "yes, Lord."
As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever...?" The man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer "yes, Lord."
Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder.
He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.
Jesus said, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you."
It may be hard to see how you're going to get through something, but when you look back in life, you
realize how true this statement is. Read the following first line slowly and let it sink in. If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.
Lord I love You and I need You, come into my heart, today.
For without You I can do nothing.
-------------------
Forgiveness definitely is not something easy to do. But, you know, the ability to forgive also shows that you are able to love. With noting in return.
Eat your guts and forgive.
^_^
17 April 2007
part 4
Pilat
Linamon ng anino ang liwanag.
Nawawala sa kawalan, walang katiyakan sa oras o sa sarili. Hindi mapakali sa init na humahaplos sa aking balat, kaya pinili na lang na umupo.
Hindi na makakita. Hindi makarinig. Hindi makaamoy. Hindi makalasa. Hindi makaramdam. May liwanag na dumaan! Pero saglit lang ito. Nawala rin bigla. Ipinikit ko na lang ang aking mga mata, na umaasang matatapos rin ito. Isa lang itong masamang panaginip. Pero sa halip na makagising, ay bigla kong nakita ang isang bata. Natatago ang mukha. Sino siya?
Isang batang lumalaro, tumatakbo kasama pa ng iba. Nakikipagusap sa kahit sino lang. Inaanyaya ang kanyang mga kaibigan na kumain, maglaro. Sinasabihan ang kanyang mga magulang ng, "I love you." Kumakanta sa harap ng kanyang mga kamag-anak.
Sino siya?
Yinayakap ang mga tao sa paligid. Hinahagis ang bola sa hangin - shoot sa ring! Naliligo sa dagat. Kahit hubo't hubad, walang pakialam. Nagkaroon ng crush, sinabi sa magulang kung sino. Nagpapaalam na hindi makatulog sa bahay. Umalis ang nanay para sa trabaho sa malayo. Umiyak.
Sino siya?
Umaakyat sa stage, bumaba. Maraming nakasabit sa kanya. Nagpapaalam sa mga kaibigan at sa kaibigang hindi nya na makikita pa. Umiyak.
Nakatalikod siya sa akin. Linapitan ko siya.
Gusto ko maging katulad niya. Sinasabi ang kanyang loob na walang pag-alinlangan. Ginagawa ang kanyang mga gusto. Pero...bigla siyang tumahimik. Hindi naman siya umiiyak. Tinanong ko siya kung bakit. Hindi sumagot. Lumapit pa ako. Abot kamay ko na siya, tinanong ko ulit. Hindi pa rin sumasagot. Dahan-dahang inabot ng aking kanang kamay ang kanyang kaliwang balikat. May pag-aalinglangan. Sige lang, kawawa naman siya. Pero nung nasanggi ko na siya ay biglang kumalat ang liwanag. Nakakasilaw. Nakakasilaw ang liwanag.
'Di rin tumagal. Saglit lang ay bumalik na ang paningin ko. Ang bata ay nakaupo sa silya. Kasama ang kanyang mga kakalase. May ginagawa sila sa mesa. Parang isang maliit na bahay. Isang palapag, pula ang bubong, puti naman ang pintura ng mga haligi. May mga bintana sa palibot at may pintuan sa magkabilang dulo. Parang okay naman, parang tapos na. Biglang sinabi ng bata na dapat ayusin ang mga halaman na pumapalibot rito. Dapat maayos ang pagkalagay. Ayaw ng kanyang mga kasama. Sabi nila tama na iyon, hindi naman daw ito mapapansin ng guro. Nagdahilan ang bata. Pabirong kinantsawan siya ng kanyang mga kasama, pero sumangayon din ang mga ito. Tumawa lang ang bata. Umihip nang kaunti ang hangin. Na-puwing ako. Kumurap ako, at kinuskus ang aking mata.
Pagmulat ko ay nakita ko uli ang bata. Pero nasa ibang lugar na kami. Walang nasa paligid maliban lang sa isang mababang ring sa harap ng bata. Hawak-hawak ng bata sa kanyang maliit na mga kamay ang isang bola. Tumingin siya sa akin. Hindi ko pa rin maaninag ang kanyang mukha. Malabo pa rin ang paningin ko. Nag-dribol siya. Tumingin sa ring. Tumigil siya ng pag-dribol. Pinagitan ang bola sa kanyang mga kamay. Binaluktot niya ang kanyang mga tuhod. Dahan-dahang itinaas ang bola, itinuwid ang kanyang mga paa, tumalon nang mababa lamang, at inihagis ang bola. Dahan- dahan ring pumataas ang bola, lumilibot habang ito ay umaakyat. Bumaba na rin ito - malapit na lang sa ring. Patuloy pa rin ito sa pag-ikot. Bumababa pa rin. Papasok na ata. Ayan na, konti na lang. Papasok na talaga. Walang duda.
Umiral uli ang liwanag. Nakakasilaw.
Pagtingin ko nakaupo ang bata. Ako ay nasa malayong sulok. Sa harap niya ang kanyang ina. May doktor. Parang nasa klinika. Nag-uusap sila. May sinabi ang doktor. Hindi ko marinig nang mabuti. Lumapit ako. Hindi na raw...hindi na uli. Makakasama...tumahimik. Yan na lang ang aking naabutan. Yumuko ang bata. Tumayo na ang nanay niya, nagpasalamat sa doktor, kinamayan. Kinuha ang kamay ng bata, pinapatayo. Tumayo na rin ang bata, at dahan-dahan na silang tunungo sa pinto. Binuksan nila ito, at lumabas na. Sumunod naman ako, hinahabol bago masara ang pinto. Pero nasara na. Nang nasa pinto na ako ay nag-alinlangan ako na buksan ito. 'Di bale na, binuksan ko pa rin. Lumabas ako.
Tumambad sa akin ang mga taong nag-aaway. Nagsasagutan. Lumuluha. Hinanap ko ang bata. Ayun, nariyan lang siya sa malapit. Tinitingnan niya lang ang mga umaaway. Bigla siyang umiyak. Kaibigan niya siguro ang dalawa. Bakit wala ba siyang ginagawa? Sinasabihan ng isa ang kanyang kaharap na kung bakit ba siya tinatawag na ganito, ganyan. Bakit pinaguusapan siya na wala naman siyang ginagawa. Umiiyak lang ang bata.
Tumahimik lang bigla. Pero patuloy pa rin silang nag-aaway. Wala akong marinig, walang tunog na lumalabas sa kanilang bibig. Tumalikod na lang ako, pero tumambad naman sa akin ang bata. May kaharap siyang kaibigan. May sinasabi ang bata. Hindi ko marinig. Sumagot naman ang kaharap niya na kung bakit ba hawak ng bata ang bag niya. Walang pakialaman. Sasagot sana ang bata, pero patuloy pa rin sa pagsambat ang kaharap niya. Hindi na makasagot ang bata. Yumuko na siya. Tumulo na ang luha. Patuloy pa rin sa pagsigaw ang kaharap niya. Tumutulo pa rin ang luha. Tinalikuran na siya. Umalis na ang kanyang kaharap. Umiiyak pa rin ang bata. Nakayuko. Nag-alinlangan pa rin ako, pero linapitan ko siya. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kaniya. Pumunta ako sa kanyang harapan. Yumuyuko pa rin siya. Umiiyak. Naisipan kong lumuhod. Makikilala ko na rin ang bata. Ipapatong ko na sana ang aking kanang kamay sa kanyang kaliwang balikat, pero nag-alala ako. Pero, di bale na. Bahala na. Dahan-dahan kong ibinaba ang aking kanang kamay. Naipatong ko sa kanyang kaliwang balikat. Di parin siya tumigil sa pag-iyak. Unti-unti na akong lumuhod, hanggang ang mga tuhod ko ay nakalapag na sa lupa. Tinabunan niya ng kanyang kaliwang kamay ang kanyang mukha. Tinanong ko siya kung bakit niya pinakialaman ang bag. Pinapahid pa rin niya ang kanyang luha. Tumingala ako. Humarap sa kanyang mukha. Kinuha ko gamit ng aking kanang kamay ang kanyang kamay mula sa kanyang mukha.
Tumambad ang liwanag. Nakakasilaw. Nakakasilaw na liwanag. Pumikit ako. Pumikit ako nang matindi. Tinakpan ko ang aking mga mata ng aking mga kamay.
* * *
Binuksan ko ang aking mata. Ang araw. Lumabas ang araw sa likod ng mga ulap. Parang nanibago ako sa silaw ng liwanag. Nakikiayon pa ang aking mata sa biglang pag-liwanag.
Bumalik sa isipan ko ang bata. Parang ang saya-saya naman niya. Mapagmahal na anak, huwarang mag-aral, mabuting kaibigan. Pero, bakit ba siya tumahimik? Ano kaya ang dahilan?
* * *
Narito pa rin ako sa malawak na soccer field. Ang mga damo ay sumusunod sa malamig na simoy ng hangin. Ang mga ibon ay lumilipad patungo sa langit.
Papalubog na ang araw. Magtatakip-silim.
Nawawala sa kawalan, walang katiyakan sa oras o sa sarili. Hindi mapakali sa init na humahaplos sa aking balat, kaya pinili na lang na umupo.
Hindi na makakita. Hindi makarinig. Hindi makaamoy. Hindi makalasa. Hindi makaramdam. May liwanag na dumaan! Pero saglit lang ito. Nawala rin bigla. Ipinikit ko na lang ang aking mga mata, na umaasang matatapos rin ito. Isa lang itong masamang panaginip. Pero sa halip na makagising, ay bigla kong nakita ang isang bata. Natatago ang mukha. Sino siya?
Isang batang lumalaro, tumatakbo kasama pa ng iba. Nakikipagusap sa kahit sino lang. Inaanyaya ang kanyang mga kaibigan na kumain, maglaro. Sinasabihan ang kanyang mga magulang ng, "I love you." Kumakanta sa harap ng kanyang mga kamag-anak.
Sino siya?
Yinayakap ang mga tao sa paligid. Hinahagis ang bola sa hangin - shoot sa ring! Naliligo sa dagat. Kahit hubo't hubad, walang pakialam. Nagkaroon ng crush, sinabi sa magulang kung sino. Nagpapaalam na hindi makatulog sa bahay. Umalis ang nanay para sa trabaho sa malayo. Umiyak.
Sino siya?
Umaakyat sa stage, bumaba. Maraming nakasabit sa kanya. Nagpapaalam sa mga kaibigan at sa kaibigang hindi nya na makikita pa. Umiyak.
Nakatalikod siya sa akin. Linapitan ko siya.
Gusto ko maging katulad niya. Sinasabi ang kanyang loob na walang pag-alinlangan. Ginagawa ang kanyang mga gusto. Pero...bigla siyang tumahimik. Hindi naman siya umiiyak. Tinanong ko siya kung bakit. Hindi sumagot. Lumapit pa ako. Abot kamay ko na siya, tinanong ko ulit. Hindi pa rin sumasagot. Dahan-dahang inabot ng aking kanang kamay ang kanyang kaliwang balikat. May pag-aalinglangan. Sige lang, kawawa naman siya. Pero nung nasanggi ko na siya ay biglang kumalat ang liwanag. Nakakasilaw. Nakakasilaw ang liwanag.
'Di rin tumagal. Saglit lang ay bumalik na ang paningin ko. Ang bata ay nakaupo sa silya. Kasama ang kanyang mga kakalase. May ginagawa sila sa mesa. Parang isang maliit na bahay. Isang palapag, pula ang bubong, puti naman ang pintura ng mga haligi. May mga bintana sa palibot at may pintuan sa magkabilang dulo. Parang okay naman, parang tapos na. Biglang sinabi ng bata na dapat ayusin ang mga halaman na pumapalibot rito. Dapat maayos ang pagkalagay. Ayaw ng kanyang mga kasama. Sabi nila tama na iyon, hindi naman daw ito mapapansin ng guro. Nagdahilan ang bata. Pabirong kinantsawan siya ng kanyang mga kasama, pero sumangayon din ang mga ito. Tumawa lang ang bata. Umihip nang kaunti ang hangin. Na-puwing ako. Kumurap ako, at kinuskus ang aking mata.
Pagmulat ko ay nakita ko uli ang bata. Pero nasa ibang lugar na kami. Walang nasa paligid maliban lang sa isang mababang ring sa harap ng bata. Hawak-hawak ng bata sa kanyang maliit na mga kamay ang isang bola. Tumingin siya sa akin. Hindi ko pa rin maaninag ang kanyang mukha. Malabo pa rin ang paningin ko. Nag-dribol siya. Tumingin sa ring. Tumigil siya ng pag-dribol. Pinagitan ang bola sa kanyang mga kamay. Binaluktot niya ang kanyang mga tuhod. Dahan-dahang itinaas ang bola, itinuwid ang kanyang mga paa, tumalon nang mababa lamang, at inihagis ang bola. Dahan- dahan ring pumataas ang bola, lumilibot habang ito ay umaakyat. Bumaba na rin ito - malapit na lang sa ring. Patuloy pa rin ito sa pag-ikot. Bumababa pa rin. Papasok na ata. Ayan na, konti na lang. Papasok na talaga. Walang duda.
Umiral uli ang liwanag. Nakakasilaw.
Pagtingin ko nakaupo ang bata. Ako ay nasa malayong sulok. Sa harap niya ang kanyang ina. May doktor. Parang nasa klinika. Nag-uusap sila. May sinabi ang doktor. Hindi ko marinig nang mabuti. Lumapit ako. Hindi na raw...hindi na uli. Makakasama...tumahimik. Yan na lang ang aking naabutan. Yumuko ang bata. Tumayo na ang nanay niya, nagpasalamat sa doktor, kinamayan. Kinuha ang kamay ng bata, pinapatayo. Tumayo na rin ang bata, at dahan-dahan na silang tunungo sa pinto. Binuksan nila ito, at lumabas na. Sumunod naman ako, hinahabol bago masara ang pinto. Pero nasara na. Nang nasa pinto na ako ay nag-alinlangan ako na buksan ito. 'Di bale na, binuksan ko pa rin. Lumabas ako.
Tumambad sa akin ang mga taong nag-aaway. Nagsasagutan. Lumuluha. Hinanap ko ang bata. Ayun, nariyan lang siya sa malapit. Tinitingnan niya lang ang mga umaaway. Bigla siyang umiyak. Kaibigan niya siguro ang dalawa. Bakit wala ba siyang ginagawa? Sinasabihan ng isa ang kanyang kaharap na kung bakit ba siya tinatawag na ganito, ganyan. Bakit pinaguusapan siya na wala naman siyang ginagawa. Umiiyak lang ang bata.
Tumahimik lang bigla. Pero patuloy pa rin silang nag-aaway. Wala akong marinig, walang tunog na lumalabas sa kanilang bibig. Tumalikod na lang ako, pero tumambad naman sa akin ang bata. May kaharap siyang kaibigan. May sinasabi ang bata. Hindi ko marinig. Sumagot naman ang kaharap niya na kung bakit ba hawak ng bata ang bag niya. Walang pakialaman. Sasagot sana ang bata, pero patuloy pa rin sa pagsambat ang kaharap niya. Hindi na makasagot ang bata. Yumuko na siya. Tumulo na ang luha. Patuloy pa rin sa pagsigaw ang kaharap niya. Tumutulo pa rin ang luha. Tinalikuran na siya. Umalis na ang kanyang kaharap. Umiiyak pa rin ang bata. Nakayuko. Nag-alinlangan pa rin ako, pero linapitan ko siya. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kaniya. Pumunta ako sa kanyang harapan. Yumuyuko pa rin siya. Umiiyak. Naisipan kong lumuhod. Makikilala ko na rin ang bata. Ipapatong ko na sana ang aking kanang kamay sa kanyang kaliwang balikat, pero nag-alala ako. Pero, di bale na. Bahala na. Dahan-dahan kong ibinaba ang aking kanang kamay. Naipatong ko sa kanyang kaliwang balikat. Di parin siya tumigil sa pag-iyak. Unti-unti na akong lumuhod, hanggang ang mga tuhod ko ay nakalapag na sa lupa. Tinabunan niya ng kanyang kaliwang kamay ang kanyang mukha. Tinanong ko siya kung bakit niya pinakialaman ang bag. Pinapahid pa rin niya ang kanyang luha. Tumingala ako. Humarap sa kanyang mukha. Kinuha ko gamit ng aking kanang kamay ang kanyang kamay mula sa kanyang mukha.
Tumambad ang liwanag. Nakakasilaw. Nakakasilaw na liwanag. Pumikit ako. Pumikit ako nang matindi. Tinakpan ko ang aking mga mata ng aking mga kamay.
* * *
Binuksan ko ang aking mata. Ang araw. Lumabas ang araw sa likod ng mga ulap. Parang nanibago ako sa silaw ng liwanag. Nakikiayon pa ang aking mata sa biglang pag-liwanag.
Bumalik sa isipan ko ang bata. Parang ang saya-saya naman niya. Mapagmahal na anak, huwarang mag-aral, mabuting kaibigan. Pero, bakit ba siya tumahimik? Ano kaya ang dahilan?
* * *
Narito pa rin ako sa malawak na soccer field. Ang mga damo ay sumusunod sa malamig na simoy ng hangin. Ang mga ibon ay lumilipad patungo sa langit.
Papalubog na ang araw. Magtatakip-silim.
word for yesterday: beholden
be·hold·en [bi-hohl-duhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) [bi-hohl-duhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –adjective
| obligated; indebted: a man beholden to no one. |
[Origin: 1300–50; ME, adj. use of beholden, old ptp. of behold]
] —Synonyms obliged, bound, grateful, liable.
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
thanks to sir ed and ma'am cuenca.
Your Existing Situation
- Conflict and dissatisfaction of one sort or another enforce the need for the compensations indicated by the + group.
- Feels that life has far more to offer and that there are still important things to be achieved--that life must be experienced to the fullest. As a result, he pursues his objectives with a fierce intensity that will not let go of things. Becomes deeply involved and runs the risk of being unable to view things with sufficient objectivity, or calmly enough; is therefore in danger of becoming agitated and of exhausting his nervous energy. Cannot leave things alone and feels he can only be at peace when he has finally reached his goal.
Your Restrained Characteristics
- Unhappy at the resistance he feels whenever he tries to assert himself. However, he believes that there is little he can do and that he must make the best of the situation.
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.
Your Desired Objective
- Seeks an affectionate relationship, offering fulfillment and happiness. Capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Helpful, and willing to adapt himself if necessary to realize the bond of affection he desires. Needs the same consideration and understanding from others.
Your Actual Problem
Needs to achieve a stable and peaceful condition, enabling him to free himself of the worry that he may be prevented from achieving all the things he wants.oh really? hehe. ^_^
Better
took me a while to figure out the new (with respect to the claasic HTML coding) way of web coding. Is it what they call CSS? Dunno.
now, at least I like how my blog looks, and it's easier to manage. hope you enjoy.
^_^
now, at least I like how my blog looks, and it's easier to manage. hope you enjoy.
^_^
12 April 2007
changing template...
I'm changing my template. Though, how much i want to keep my blog visually good, I was finding it hard to manage. so right now, I'm back to the basics. I'll just update this next time...I'm sleepy...
Long Time
It's been a long road. Graduation marked another fork in the road. I hate to admit it, but I've just realized things too late. Yeah, just like most of you. It almost always happens. It's something very uncomfortable. And we all know we can never go back.And leaving high school has left me with so much questions and anxiety. Dang. It's that you realize them on a sleepless night, or morning, I should say. When you have settled and cleared you mind, they all go inside. Questions, so many, many of them. But then I realized again that I can really not find answers to them right now. It's a matter of being in there, and the choice you make. No matter how you plan, the choice you make when being in the situation will be the answer. Yes, there is no other answer but the one you make.
So, what's next? I dunno. Again, it really depends on what happens, then I can make my choice. Maybe I can set a long-term goal, or maybe do something fun in-the-moment. It really depends. I'm just sure that I don't want to waste my life. It's too good to be wasted. I'm going to serve my purpose, that is, to make my own purpose.
yes sir...Citius, Altius, Fortius.
I'll do my best...
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